I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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