so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
