All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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