he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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