youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
