I think I died a long time ago.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
