I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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