I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
