did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
