When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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