He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
