i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
