we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize