"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
