he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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