id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
