i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
