Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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