I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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