atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize