I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
