I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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