My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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