WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
