did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize