so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
