it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
