Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
