My nipple is on Facebook.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
