So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
