Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
