He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize