she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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