Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
