So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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