I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize