I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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