i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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