i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
