So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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