Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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