Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
