If i come over, it means nothing
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
