my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
