Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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