At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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