All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
