he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
