The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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