I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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