ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
