i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
