she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He felt like a one man threesome
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
