I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
