If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
