Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
