3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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