just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was confusing and full of hummus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
