At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
